I dunno whether you are referring to me, but be it me or not, I just suddenly thought of how you have absolutely no obligations to bother about me since we are alr over. Sorry for being so irritating to you without knowing how busy your j2 life is, compared to me who is always so free and irritating you with smses/calls. I will try my best not to bother you anymore, but remember I will always be there for you when you need me. Even though I failed to dinner with you that time, I will still always be supporting you. And sorry again, for trying to encourage me but yet I'm still stubborn.
7:40 AM;
You built me up, then tear me down. How do you expect me to build myself up again?
So what if I tell you, show you, that I am optimistic and have a goal in my mind now, that i have something i wanna become? So what, would that even change anything between us.
From hardly replying to bidding goodbye, aren't you just putting me down even more. My confidence lies in you and how you react to me, and that's why I'm forever pessimistic from now.
6:43 AM;
Sorry for being such a hindrance.
11:35 AM;
It's never enough to say i tried, and even when i tried. I really hope to know how you truly feel.
9:01 AM;
I wish I was special, to you.
11:21 AM;
I'm confused. Confused with life, love, friends. People say face life positively no matter what happens. Yeah I'm trying to do that now. Trying hard not to think about it. Therefore trying to face you with a happy font, hope that you will not be guilty or whatever when you see me. But what impression I caused, that I'm doing great? You have no idea how much turmoil is in my heart now, but yet I am unable to let you see.
Friends. Trying to enthu and ask people out, but hey what I got was ignores. In an extreme extent. I never demand people to go out with me, but at least tell me that you are not free or you dun want to go out instead of letting me fucking wait down there. Its okay this aside, when I tried to get together with a bunch of old classmates whom i feel most comfortable with. But again i was left out. They are gamers, which I'm not. Kept on gaming and gaming, I could not join. Install and join them? No i couldn. I dun have the ability to install and play online games, and therefore result in outcast. I know i should do whatever it takes to fit into people, like learning to lan, play online games together or whatever that is their way of life. But why cant they fit into mine instead? Just cos I'm the only one not playing any games, and thus gaming is the only way of life and to bond? Blimey.
I give up. I really give up on this world. I know I must accept my friends for who they are, but accepting really isnt the key to everything working well. When you cant even fit in, you accept and try to be with them. Try hearing them talk things you dunno at all. Maybe I'm thinking too much, or maybe I'm really just downloaded.
Rant.
10:14 AM;
This post is dedicated to you.
Batam - Before Arrival Think About Money/Buy And Throw Away Money
This is what the tour guide of Batam said to us when we are at Batam trip. Why he downplayed his country's reputation is weird, but still he is a nice guy. Hendrys, we will remember his szx slang.
So overall, Batam trip was normal, because painting itself doesnt really help the orphans much. But actually Im quite contented that we managed to paint the walls, though of not-so-good quality, cos its quite a slack job compared to other classes doing more work than us. We had ample of time to change, eat, have some night time relax - its equals to a resort totally. First day was still quite enthu in painting cos its the first time we are doing this together as a class, but the 2nd day onwards started to get sian like there is no drive at all. Especially dickson, his face looked like he gonna die anytime.
I never knew much about Batam, so I thought it was just like Malaysia or something, but I was wrong. There is hardly any traffic system there, majority of the houses are very poorly constructed. The area where the orphanage is located is even more ulu. Though our painting of the place will have a small impact on these kids, we gave them chocolates and sweets that Clare's mum sponsored. Supposedly we would have much interaction with the kids in the orphanage, but this is not the case for our class.
Our hotel night life. We played cards, watched unknown tv channels, listen some songs, drank some cheap beer, and facing a crazy Eeban. Seriously first time see someone who is ultimately weird and dunno what is in his mind, till the extent I am scared he may kill himself or anyone. Had some division of class due to some class politics.
Goods. Yes the goods are cheap, but it doesnt give people the feeling of trust. Like they dun look of good quality, although some are known brands. Beer was 1buck+ while using a small amount of money could buy us a huge load of titbits and whatever. Saw some Ralph Lauren shirt, although cheaper but still could not afford.
Lastly, Mr Kuang was a very flexible teacher I had ever seen. We thought he was some nerd in math, but he talks like us, sang karoake, played pool, dun mind our vulgarities and played lan with us. A very cool teacher that we didn thought so in the first place, but sadly not the same class anymore next year.
Sorry I think this post is very short, please pardon me. I hope you will be satisfied with my post though, shall end here.
The rainbow is gone, my life goes back to black and white. I will still hold on.
5:47 AM;
sensed the difference
7:00 AM;
production*