DEAD;;

Monday, January 26, 2009

Reply to Bee's letter:

yeah i guess im really quiet in a crowd. but i can explain. its not because im an inert person, its just i dun want to be over enthu that in the end sort of make a fool out of yourself. i have experiences where i was very enthu budden the group dun seem to appreciate it and showed unwillingness. i dun want to be some thick face person who is acting on my own accord where they simply dun agree with my enthusiasm. so i have sort of learnt not to be too enthu in a group. besides, i aint close with them, so like im afraid they might think, "why is this guy like kinda talking too much" and maybe cause them to dislike me. one example is like kt, who many people dun really like him cos he talked too much sometimes or maybe enthu in a way people dislike. another example is like casey, where they dun really like him cos he is always at the fore front being too enthu and irritates them. and you see always when i want to like 'crazy' or talk more lively, my closer friends as you should know, keep retorting back. i mean yes, because we have been 4 years of friends, we are used to this, do you realise like they retort almost every sentence i say. i mean just to purposely guailan, but its also a kind of rejection i feel. i also very guailan, but not till the extent every sentence i retort. and when i retort, i dun scold 'dog' or 'shutup'. yes once again, it comes down to "being 4 years of friends". but i just find it rude, like people wanna properly say something but i cant get it across. so i dun want to enthu too much in case its just another guailan retort in the face, and as i said, im not close with them at all in fact. and seriously, i actually dun have many friends but i really hope you dun mind. friends in this case mean really can talk and share and like play a role as a true friend. maybe in this case i only have like shiyuan? or not. but dun worry, i can still click quite well with them, not in the sense really true friends but just good friends. and well im not closing up; i tell you everything right, like i find no barrier in saying anything so sometimes you may find me like weird why am i rambling this and that. everyone wants a good friend right, who wont wish for? but i cant find any, so to me you are my truthfully my everything already. but perhaps i got my retribution, cos i misdeed in the past. guailan-ed to the very extreme extent, so now im just getting back what i threw at other people last time. and i couldn just talk normally to any of my friends, just selective talking cos certain topics just create barriers between friends and me. yup and i agree i seriously did change, its not i anti-social but its more of phobia. i seriously hope you dun mind at all, because i will be more active if you want. i can be very active, but maybe this enthusiasm isnt what THEY like. can ask one of my 4years friend, cos they definitely can say that i used to be very GUAILAN and crazy.

just want to voice out what i really feel luh, i really hope you dun mind me being quiet. im still sociable, just i like to stand one side and not become a clown in the end. lol was supposed to sleep after reading your letter, but couldn fall asleep so blogged this out for you. hope you get what i mean baby. :)

1.03am

8:38 AM;